Mal de Ojo, My Health, and How Am I Still Alive?

Let me start off by getting down on my knees and apologizing for the fact that I've been a little silent on the inter-webz lately. I blame my budgeting, the fact that I've been busy at work, and the fact that my life line is getting a little shorter with every health problem I encounter.

What is it now? is probably the question thats pulsating in your head as you continue to read this little-ol-blog of mine. Well, dear reader, this time it involved me writhing in pain and having copious amounts of puss and blood coming out of my ears (sorry to those readers who are currently eating or have consumed food in the last few minutes). Parentals, please don't freak out... which I know you will probably do.

Yeah, this time it wasn't any of my past ailments which include but are not limited to: gastrointestinal issues and malaria. No. This time it was a cold that wanted more than just to stuff up my nose and have me hacking snot. It wanted to get saucy. And so it gave me the worst ear infection known to man. Maybe not the worst known to man, but it is still horrible.

But it hit me today, after so many people questioned the fact that this bubonic plague-like ear infection appeared so quickly, that this near-ear-death-experience was probably my own fault. Let me explain.

On Wednesday, I was coming back from work in a pretty great mood and managed to find yet another new route in the cabecera (head of the department) that lead me to my bus (I say yet another because since I've been here, the cabecera has changed so much that I have had to figure out new bus routes about 10 times, no joke). After a few minutes and a couple of chats, I found the new bus stop. Being as it was five o'clock, I was mentally preparing myself to sardine-can my body into this bus for forty five minutes until I got home.

When my lovely green bus arrived, I squeezed in, began to think skinny and stood up between four rows of seats (filled to the max with three people) and held on for dear life to the top bars since I was equally smashed from the front and the back. Once my bus began to toot-toot along it's route, I began to feel a sharp pain coming from my stomach. A few minutes later, when I took my mind off my current day dream, I looked down to see a woman elbowing me. I did the courteous thing and moved the smidge that I could and apologized for the discomfort. Sadly, this did not please the nudger.

As the twenty minute mark passed, the nudge became more like a shove and the elbow was replaced by both of her hands and eventually, her whole body. I was shocked. I mean, we're all in this Sartre version of hell for the next forty-five minutes, so calm down M'am.

After a few more attempts of moving towards the rows behind me, it was enough. I had already had two possible falls onto the bus floor and it was time for the madness to stop.

"Excuse me, but I can't move. Can you please, stop pushing?"

"*Woman speaking to friend in k'cakchiquel (my town's indigenous language) and then laughing and pointing*"

At this point, I let it go. I feel like speaking out in a bus full of my neighbors was enough, but in reality this little chat only spurred harsher action. The next part is when I raise my voice and everyone in the bus is silent and the bus driver is staring at me through the rear view mirror.

"Seriously? I have no where to go, so enough. I can't move and you need to stop shoving me around right now. If you have a problem with me, let me know, but enough."

At this point, my hearing was getting faint and I could only pull out some sort of insult about my weight (and for the record, she was heavier than I was) and then more pointing and laughing.

The laughing and the few insults I could pull out in my dimming ability to hear continued until I reached my stop. 

I'm not sure if I'm just believing local superstition or if I'm just trying to find an excuse for my current condition (muffled hearing and nastiness coming out of my ears), but this cannot be a ridiculous coincidence. This all points to Mal de Ojo (Bad Eye/Bad Glance); the idea that if someone gives you the Mal de Ojo, whether deserved or not, something terrible happens to you. My hearing immediately failed after I stood up for myself and the only thing that was out of the ordinary as far as my character and the cold, was that conversation.

Though you might not agree, I feel like you can agree with the fact that my health (since moving to Guatemala) has made a complete 180. What the heck, Guatemala?

'Standfast', Lockdown, and the Fact that the Weather has Gone Loco

Dear Readers,

I write this to you (instead of enjoying my 1 out 3 possible days off a month) because I am on 'Standfast' (P.C. lingo for Lockdown) because the world might be ending outside my huge windows. Not really. The real reason? Tropical storm Agatha is approaching (which might later turn into a tropical cyclone, I am told by online news articles).

According to Reuters,

Guatemalans prepared on Saturday for the arrival of Tropical Storm Agatha, the first named storm of the 2010 Pacific hurricane season, which was expected to bring heavy flooding to some areas.
Emergency workers reported rivers were already swollen by heavy rain and warned flooding could be worse than usual due to ash from the erupting Pacaya volcano south of the capital that has blocked drainage systems.


The U.S. National Hurricane Center said Agatha formed on Saturday morning and had maximum sustained winds of 40 miles per hour (65 kph). Agatha was located 170 miles (275 km) west-southwest of the port of San Jose in Guatemala and was expected to make landfall in Guatemala on Sunday.

  Yeah. That's what's up. So instead of enjoying my weekend with friends, I am in my flooded town tending to my cat and figuring out what the heck I'm going to eat later today since those 30 or so corn flakes won't seem to make it until dinner time.

It seems like the only one getting something good out of this is my cat who doesn't have to freak out today since I'll be around, has been getting 'extra protein' when she hunts down these weird Guatemalan bugs that fly in from the cracks of my windows and has cat food a-plenty.
 
The great thing is, this is what I signed up for--adventure. I'm from California where earthquakes make their appearances the way actors make their cameos; only appearing when people have forgotten about them. So, this will be a first. A storm/cyclone outside my window will definitely have me excited! And though I might starve a little with these dammit, now 25 corn flakes, and the fact that the stores outside are closed... but we'll just have to wait and see*.

Love,

Me.

P.S. Here are a few articles about the storm and the recent volcanic eruption: 1, 2
P.P.S. Keep all the people in Guatemala truly affected by this storm, the volcano, and the earthquakes in your hearts. Some have not been so lucky.
*Just found a tiny bag of rice... I guess I'm still safe until tomorrow! If the stores decide to open.
**Photo credit: Accuweather.com

Introductions are In Order...

Hello world. This is 'Frijolita' (yes, her name is derived from the spanish word for bean...don't judge). A lovely gift from a host family (not my own) with whom I became attached to during training!

Frijolita is a three month old kitten who enjoys to run around my room, climb on my mountainous suitcase pile and attack anything that isn't tied down (wait, correction she attacks everything in my room).

Although she was afraid of me at first (probably because of the traumatic camioneta ride into my town in which she was travelling in a box which was then stuffed into my bag), she is slowly adjusting. She now associates me as something 'important' in her tiny life--- heck, she preemptively whines and meows when I put my shoes on because she knows that means I'm leaving.

Though we have only had one tiff-- the time she thought my earphones were a chew toy (RIP earphones)-- I am over the moon with how quickly we're bonding and how quickly she is learning new things.

Holidays, Linda Blair, and A Darwin Award

Here's the thing about Guatemala that I have been loving lately: los dias feriados (holidays). You know why? And no, it's not because we theoretically take a day off (because we really don't). Really, it's because you think you're in for one thing and you come out with a completely different perspective on whatever is being celebrated. Let's take Mother's Day for example (Happy Mother's Day, Mom!).


Abra and I were invited to a Mother's Day celebration after work today and let me tell you that it was... interesting. Sure there was the typical singing, dancing, and joking around but there were also a few surprises. A forty-five minute dramatization about why abortion is wrong (featuring appearances by an angel and a devil to drive the message home), a competition for some mothers to peel and eat a banana without their hands (hello, Freud), and prize giveaways--including one for the youngest mother in the audience (seriously?).

Most of the time, I was holding my sides and stiffling my laugh fits as I saw the ridiculous actos that were happening in the municipal hall---many of which were due to the fact that the men put together the event (Uhum, the banana eating contest is like a big neon sign screaming: Men obviously put this thing together). But there were also some genuine moments, including the fact that we got to bond with the school that invited us! Woo, confianza!

And speaking of bonding time, my toilet and I have become best friends forever. And I'm not talking about middle school charm bracelet and matching side pony-tail BFFs. I'm talking about blood-brothers-your-DNA-in-a-vile-Angelina-Jolie-and-Billy-Bob-Thornton-circa-late-90s-early-00s BFFs.

Here's the skinny... I've been metaphorically dying a slow and painful death for about five weeks, a la Linda Blair in the Exorcist (you know the scene). I scared the nurses into thinking I possibly had Malaria or Dengue and was sent to take some tests. Tests came back inconclusive (being me, I was not surprised) and so, I (being the MENSA genius that I am) decided to ignore my symptoms and go on as usual. Of course, this didn't work and I proceeded to fall deathly ill again.

Currently, I'm feeling alright. Having only eaten 'soft foods' and hydrating myself like crazy, I feel like I'm doing better. Although the results of the last tests show that it's just a bacterial infection, the fact that I'm not getting meds and that this has been happening for more than a month has me a little suspicious. We'll see. The positive is that I had been streaming Lost, Glee, and Nurse Jackie while I was sick... so I'm all caught up ya'll (and yes, you would be accurate to judge the fact that I don't have any furniture in my room, but I do splurge on internet).

You know what else happened when I was sick? I screwed up half my clothes. You know how? By forgetting that while I was dying in the toilet, I had soaked my dark clothing in a huge costal filled with soapy water that morning. And you know what happens to moist clothes that has been soaking for three days in that akward corner of your room that hardly gets any light? Mold. So for this week, I award myself a Darwin Award; for the most creative way of offing my too large to fit clothes while creating the most horrific stench in my tiny room.Way to go, me.

Alec Baldwin, a Suave 4 Year Old, & Glitter in the Wackiest Places

You know, I'm not exactly sure when it happened but I am an Alec Baldwin fanatic. Sure, it could be thanks to the fact that Lauren (a fellow Healthy Schools volunteer) and I have been watching 30 Rock almost every time that we hang out or it may be due to the fact that shows like Lost had my full attention when I was back in the states. Personally, I'd like to believe it's the former.

But honestly, have you seen 30 Rock? Tina Fey's genius + Alec Baldwin's quick wit + a slew of pop culture references = comedy gold.  And even funnier than 30 Rock is the fact that one of the CTAs (Guatemalan version of a superintendant) who refuses to works with us, looks (somewhat) and acts like Alec Baldwin's character in the show. He's smug, refuses to do anything that he deems 'unnecessary' and thinks he's hilarious when he goes against the grain for fun (like being the only member at a meeting to reject a paid vacation--no joke, that happened this morning). Sure it might be a little irritating to have someone who ademantly refuses to work with you (for no real reason), but I can at least chuckle at the fact that he reminds me of Jack Donaghy (well, minus Baldwin's debonair charm).

And speaking of charm, what the heck is with the males in this country? I mean, I'm pretty sure Guatemala is not the flirting capital of the world, and yet every male toddler and octogenerian thinks he's suave. For example, while filling out some paperwork with a CTA and a Parvulos (equivalent to a pre-school/kindergarten) director (school principal) this week, a four year old student ran into the director's office, hugged all three of us, and then stopped in front of me and said, in somewhat of a whisper, 'My heart beat in summersaults when you walked through the door'. After a silent moment or two, I looked over at both the CTA and the director and shrugged my shoulders, what else could I do? A kid who, not too long ago, had been living in his mother's amniotic fluid was gushing over me with a cheesy line he had probably heard his brother, father or grandfather spew. And soon after the pregnant pause, he was off chasing the other boys while he was pretending to be a monster.

Though this little incident might seem isolated, let me give you another one that happened the day after (yesterday). My work partner, Abra, and I were actually giving our first taller (training session) to a school in one of the municipalities we oversee. Overall, the taller went great! We had an enthusiastic director who even got into an impromptu costume while he was volunteering during one of our dynamicas, had teachers who really gave their all throughout the presentation (taking notes, participating, and even going above and beyond what was needed of them), and Abra and I just kicked butt. The hitch came when we split the teachers up and gave them an opportunity to show us how they can teach health lessons using non-traditional learning techniques. Well, most of the groups did well... and in all seriousness, two groups went above and beyond creating powerpoints and even an elaborate skit within the fifteen minutes we had given them. The last group however took a weird turn.

Their topic = water sanitation. At first, they began with reasons why their natural spring was adequate enough to drink from, though they ackowledged the health risks involved. Then, they proceeded to skip over the whole topic and create a 'game'. What was this game, you ask. Well let me share it with you. In this 'game', the teachers and the PC Volunteers (Abra & I) were put in a circle of desks with two people left standing up. Every time the 'proctor' yelled 'Salud' you had to move up three chairs and everytime the 'proctor' yelled 'Bacteria' you had to find the closest seat (think of a complicated version of musical chairs). Anyways, so the game began as such and soon people (who I'm assuming were clued into the real rules) began pushing the rest of us around to get to chairs. And then after the first 'Bacteria', I realized why... the male & female left outside of the circle were going to kiss as punishment for not making it to a bacteria-free chair. Yes, you read that correctly. You are going to kiss the person of the opposite sex who was also standing out there without a chair. And guess who got stuck outside of the chairs on the second round... yeah, me. And I'm pretty sure the whole point of the game was to get a gringa to kiss a chapin because soon after I was left standing with the young computer teacher, they all joked about how it was every Guatemalan's dream and then ended the game. RIDICULOUS.

Almost as ridiculous as the fact that the glitter that Abra and I have been using during talleres and meetings (it's a complete hit as a way to show how bacteria/diseases spread via person to person) has been showing up in the most random places... including the toilet. How did it get there, who knows. That's a topic for a different blog post.
Image from: Variety.com